saturday, january 28. 

up bright and early with a 16oz. vanilla latte at the university cafe, listening to the civil wars and trying to ignore the effects of these drugs. my tummy hurts, my head is pouding, anxiety and nervousness causing me to shake uncontrollably, and my focus dwindling from the projects at hand. hoping the coffee will kick in sooner rather than later as i try to put to rest all these thoughts. 

sat at steak n shake with a good friend til seven o’clock this morning and enjoyed some much needed laughs. life and all its complexities have stolen the majority of them from me in more recent days.the idea of having to eventually sleep terrified me as the ghosts of my dreams haunt me. hopefully those three hours of sleep are enough to keep me going today and my thoughts will let me focus on the tasks at hand.

i am tired. i am exhausted. i am selfish. i wish it wasn’t so, but it is. trying to change, but struggling. the worst part is that i feel like i’m being treated like a child and the effects of these drugs are exacerbating everything, along with my thought process.
i want to run. far, far, away. my feet won’t let me, they won’t take me there. 
oh guilt, please give me a break.

here’s to starting another day. thanking God for coffee.
x 

(via hinthint)